(This is an excerpt from Holistic Sex online course.

You can view the online course here):




Sex is not about physical pleasure. Stop seeing sex in terms of physical pleasure. This is a very limiting view that will only lead to a limited experience.


It’s not how you really experience sex. It is just the awkward current model proposed by science. Science always tries to explain the sexual human as an animal - in terms of organs, hormones, procreative instinct, pair-bonding behavior, etc which was researched in rats and bonobos or whatever. Within that paradigm an animal is driven by a search for physical pleasure.


Physical pleasure may indeed be a strong basic driver for some animals. However, for a human physical pleasure means very little. It doesn’t fulfill any of your real needs. It is a mild curiosity which won’t drive you much at all.


You want a human level of experience in sex, rich enough for a human range of feelings.




Our kind of pleasure is not just a sensation on the skin – it is a lot more complex than that. It is also love, connection, beauty, aesthetics, adventure, journey, soulful appreciation, emotional pleasure, creativity, exploration, richness of life, extraordinary sensory experiences, etc.


Of course, all this happens in the medium of physical sensation. You feel all that experience and richness through physical contact. So the physical pleasure is always there - you’ll never have that richness transmitted by some horrible physical sensation.


But when you think that sex is about rubbing this nerve for pleasure, or stroking this part of skin for pleasure…


You get that pleasure but you still feel frustration. Like you’re supposed to feel much more, love it much more, find it so amazing. And it just isn’t all that interesting.




It’s because you’re using some outdated animal technology – you think all this human richness and experience will come through getting a pleasant sensation by rubbing the body.


It starts with using the word ‘pleasure’. When you use that word you lock yourself into a one dimensional and primitive experience of sexuality as a physical sensation. Your vision always becomes your technique. Instead of energy, beauty, feeling, love, connection you’re rubbing that G spot hard.


You will not be happy if you treat sex as pleasure. You’ll get pleasure and yet will never feel more than 5% of sex. You will miss out on true nourishment and enrichment sex can give you. Sex will never fulfil your true sexual needs.


Get rid of this word when you talk of sex. It communicates nothing useful or important. It immediately locks from you the real experience of sex.




Sex is energy.


A beautiful, happy vibration of ‘energy’ into you.

‘Energy’ is not meant literally. It is just your experience of this moment.


You are a space. Everything you feel in sex is a vibration of energy into you.


A touch is a vibration of happy energy into the space of your body.


A hug is a radiant field of energy into your body.


A sensation in the genitals is a wave of energy that rushes through your body.


Arousal is energy expanding through your body.


Beauty of your partner is energy that you drink through your eyes and it ignites you.


Love is nourishing energy that your body absorbs from your lover.


On and on, the sexual space is a rich field of all different kinds of energies and vibrations. You are a space absorbing those vibrations.




Physical sensation feels like a vibration of happy, joyful, nourishing electricity in the body.


Non-physical feelings of happiness, love, beauty, are an emotional vibration in your psyche. This emotional vibration is a kind of energy too – it gives you positive energy in your ‘heart and soul’, so to speak.


The beauty of physical sensation and the emotional beauty blend into one feeling during sex. When we feel a sexual vibration we feel it physically, emotionally, psychologically and potentially spiritually, all at once. A touch is not just a physical feeling, it is also a happy and nourishing one. Physical love is not just an emotion – it is also a physical sensation.


We don’t have a word in our language for sexual vibrations. What we feel in sex cannot be called just “pleasure” or “love” or “desire” because these words are one-dimensional. What we experience in sex is unique to that space and has no equivalent in any other form of human experience.


Together these physical-psycho-emotional vibrations combine into what we call a feeling of sexual energy.




Sexual energy is a powerful positive source



When you’ve created really nice sexual energy, it is a very potent positive vibration deep into your body, mind and heart.


Beautiful enriching energy for body, heart and soul, it’s not physical energy.


It brings joy, happiness, vibrancy and wellbeing to all areas of you. It is your own personal sunshine. It has a very deep positive impact even with a small amount. That wellbeing, life and positive energy spread into all areas of your life.







It is very important that you see sex as energy, and you stop seeing sex in the conventional anatomical / hormonal / mechanical way.


It is not a matter of personal or spiritual beliefs – it is a technique, a tool that opens a much greater experience of sex for you.


You don’t need to understand it in literal terms as chi flowing between you.


You can see it is as a simple representation that describes the complex physical-emotional-psychological-biological process of sex.


It is just your aesthetic perception of sex. It is how you experience sex, it is your visualization and your image for every moment of sex.


If you do ‘believe in energy’ – please don’t see sex as energy moving through chakras and meridians. Don’t do energy exercises. Don’t kill the beauty of sex with ancient Taoist meridian techniques. Make love and create beauty. See energy as a flow of feelings, see it as an aesthetic representation.




It is fundamental that you see sex as energy - it will change your whole attitude and practice.


- You will stop seeing sex in terms of organs, pleasant nerve spots and blood engorgement. You will start connecting with how sex actually feels to you as a human appreciating this music and creating it. Talking of sexual energy you talk in terms of colours, sounds, nourishment, beauty, enrichment and less in terms of rubbing and angles that stimulates pleasure. You make sense of sex more.


- You will get your attention out of exclusively sex organs that you can see on an anatomy map and you will start feeling many more feelings throughout your entire space.


- This will change your technique too. You will stop trying to rub your physiology correctly and start making real music with sexual energy in your body.


- ‘Energy’ is also the simplest way to describe sexual techniques. When body, mind and emotion work together the easiest way to direct the experience is visualisation.


- You will gain a better language to talk to your partner about sex, to describe different experiences and different qualities of sex.




You can never explain sex well with hormones, nerves and psychology – you can’t make love with those. You can’t have sex to supply more blood to vaginal lips or release a higher concentration of oxytocin in the brain.


You can only make love in simple terms, creating together beauty, nourishment, energy and love.


See sex as energy and you will have the easiest, most beautiful, aesthetic, accurate and effective vision of sex.


That’s how sex really feels – so that’s how sex really is.

Sex doesn’t feel like hormones and nerve signals.


But eventually you will become so masterful and sensitive that you will feel sensations rippling through you in total stillness. And you won’t be able to explain those in any other way than pure energy between people.



This is an excerpt from Holistic Sex online course.

You can view the online course here:


To work with me in person view sessions:




© Alexey Welsh 2020