SUSTAINABLE SEXUAL ENERGY IN A RELATIONSHIP
(This is an excerpt from Holistic Sex online course.
You can view the online course here):
You need to have a natural cycle between your passionate and your tranquil sex, between sex with orgasms and sex without them.
This very powerful technique will ensure a frequent and sustainable ever-lasting sex life that never runs out of attraction and vitality.
We run out of sex because we don’t look after our sexual energy.
We only spend, spend, spend in passion, vigorous activity and drain from orgasms - and we don’t regenerate our sexual energy.
We get poor advice on nurturing our sexual energy in the relationship. We are told that it happens outside of sex - through flirting, building tension, anticipation and desire.
In fact it’s the sex itself that drains our sexual energy.
It is also the sex itself that regenerates it most powerfully.
Sexual energy needs to be cultivated like forestry – you cut some trees but you also grow the same number.
It’s ok to spend and flush your sexual energy, but you also need to grow it and replenish it.
If you do this, you will have a perpetual source of ever-green, ever-growing sex in your relationship. And it will have all the variety to satisfy all your relationship needs.
The sex that spends
On one hand you have the sex that spends.
Passionate sex, vigorous sex with lots of stimulation to orgasms, strenuous positions, plenty of movement – it all spends your energy.
However, the orgasm is the main thing that spends your sexual energy.
A typical release orgasm (ejaculation and clitoral release) is always a flushing of your sexual energy. It is literally a valve that drains your system of sexual energy that you have made during sex.
Women can have other kinds of orgasms that are not draining.
In the case of men, the loss of sexual energy is particularly dramatic. The decrease in attraction, drive and sexual interest depends very much on how often the man has an orgasm in this relationship.
The sex that regenerates
When your sexual energy feels low (it’s not bursting to be spent and released), then you need to nurture it until it is strong enough to be spent again.
You don’t have too much physical activity. You let your body semi-rest and feel slow and comfortable.
You make extra nourishing energy: slow and nurturing movement, sending lots of physical love.
You stay away from intense arousal because it is a workout for your physiology and it can be draining on your system.
You don’t have orgasms – this is the most important way to nurture your sexual energy, both for men and for women. You channel sexual energy well and it settles comfortably as vitality in your body.
The cycle is very simple.
When your sexual energy is high – have a blast and spend it.
Have your passion, intensity and orgasms.
When your sexual energy is lower – nurture it and accumulate it.
Have the relaxed and nourishing sex without orgasms.
Having ‘spending sex’ drops your sexual energy and you have regenerative sex.
Having regenerative sex accumulates your sexual energy to have ‘spending’ sex.
It is a natural cycle that can go forever with ease - and this is the idea.
You don’t need to plan this cycle or control it. It is not a case of 1 spending case per 1 regenerative case. You simply do what feels right today.
Don’t ask your head what you want, don’t force something that isn’t alive by itself. Just feel where your body and your feelings are today.
Are you bursting with desire and feeling very energetic and excited towards sex? Then just go with it natural into passion, intensity, excitement and orgasms.
Do you feel sexually quite calm and low on sexual energy? Then don’t force any passion, intensity or orgasm. Relax and nourish your vitality, don’t spend today.
Sometimes you can have explosive and passionate sex many times before you feel you need to regenerate. Other times it will be once, and then you will have regenerative sex as many times as you need to.
Your life fluctuates too, and you will go through phases. So you go from what you feel each day.
There is an emotional dimension to this cycle.
High energy sex gives you experiences of sexiness, excitement, a sense of adventure and celebration.
But if this is all you have to share, your sexual relationship will feel superficial and not emotionally connecting.
Low energy sex brings love, nurturing, connection and care.
But if this is all you have, you might feel you are missing out on the colours of life.
So when these two kinds of sex are rotating you are feeding all sides of your relationship.
It becomes a healthy, well-nourished relationship.
You don’t need to impose restrictions on each other or eliminate certain kinds of sex from you life. You simply follow the energy every day.
Can’t we just wait until the desire comes back?
Frequency is the key.
Some wonder – why would I have sex if I’m low on sexual energy. Surely, I just wait until I am full of desire again?
Well, it’s because sex is not just excreting some pent up sexual tension. It is a regular relationship of connection, love, beauty and journey together.
Most people don’t have frequent sex because they wipe out their sexual energy and then don’t touch each other until sexual energy is bursting again to be spent.
In theory this should work as a cycle of regeneration. In practice, we know that as your relationship goes on, that desire comes back more and more infrequently, and the general attraction gets weaker and weaker.
Clearly without nurturing your sexual energy even the natural cycle of waiting for desire in your body until the next ‘horny day’ eventually dies down over time.
Besides, if you always wait for your sexual energy to get high, your relationship is one-sided. You always end up at sexual tension, bursting into passion and vigorous manic sex. You never have more relaxed, connected, loving experiences.
Just waiting passively for desire to come back also takes way too long, and you connect infrequently. It impoverishes your relationship of frequent sharing, nurturing and recharging.
You also associate sex with spending your energy. It’s on the list of things you need to find energy for. You don’t associate sex with revitalising, recharging and replenishing the resources of your system.
This is an excerpt from Holistic Sex online course.
You can view the online course here:
To work with me in person view sessions: